Pushin' Forward

Baby Mikey Walking

2009-02-05T22:22:00.000-08:00

For the past few weeks, my one-year old son has been standing and taking one or two steps. The other night he was on one side of the living room while I was on the opposite side with a bowl of popcorn. This boy loves popcorn. He let go of his toy and walked across to me. He and I were so excited. I witnessed his first few steps, and he got a handful of popcorn. As I started to fall asleep that night, I hoped and prayed that he would be able to keep walking throughout his life. WALKING, some take it for granted!

My Christmas

2009-01-05T11:30:00.000-08:00

This Christmas was very different than any other from my past. Nora and I have celebrated Christmas with both of our families for 12 years now. I keep track of the years with the help of the birth of my son Jimmy. Every year my family and I celebrate Christmas Eve with my wife’s family. On Christmas day, my family and I would enjoy a delicious dinner with my mother and father at their home. This year Christmas day was very different. My mother and father have both retired and moved to their new home in Arkansas. This Christmas my wife and I put together our first Christmas dinner. Every year my mother and father cooked all day long for this special dinner. With my parents gone, it was time for my family and I to carry on the tradition. These changes never entered my mind until we began to eat our food. As we ate our Christmas dinner, I began to acknowledge and accept the fact that this is the beginning to a new chapter in my life. I also have to say, that I would not have wished for this day to happen in any other way. My first Family Christmas Dinner was perfect. The best part of all of this was it just happened. I have to admit that I shedded a few tears as I thought about my mother and father not around to observe this day. Happy Holidays to Everyone!!!!

Ready, Set, Go!

2008-12-07T23:03:00.000-08:00

Everyday I drive to pick up my son from school. There is a disabled section right in front of the school. I am new to the area so I don’t want to upset anyone as I begin to learn the rules for picking up the kids at this new school. The school is only a few blocks away from the house. I have always put my baby on my lap and pushed to the school to walk my kids home. As it has gotten cold now, I drive instead. The setup is almost great except for one thing. Right in front of the school there is an area for about two vehicles to park if you have disabled plates or a placard. There are three of us always trying to get one of these spots. The one person picks up her son who appears to have cerebral palsy and uses a walker. The other person is an older woman who does not appear to be disabled at all. If I cannot get to one of these spots, I have to get the baby out of the van so my kids can see where I am parked. One day I asked the older woman if she REALLY needs to park in the disabled spot. Before I could explain I use a wheelchair and have a baby, she began to yell at me. “I AM HANDICAPPED!!!!” I just laughed and decided to come a few minutes earlier the next day. The next day when I arrived, she was already parked and smiled as she waved hi. Everyday I would leave earlier, and earlier. One day I arrived about 30 minutes with my laptop to kill time. She was already there reading a novel. I did get my spot, but I began to feel bad for the other woman who showed up to pick up her son with a walker. Later that night at the dinner table I began to laugh out loud as thoughts were traveling through my mind. My wife asked, “What is so funny????” I told that I have a plan to piss that lady off. I told my wife that the next day, in the morning I will park both of my vehicles in that spot and leave it there for the whole day. This was just a thought. This was just talk. But I have to say it is funny how this woman and I began to compete for this spot. It is sad how people easily get these disabled plates and placards and have no sympathy for the ones who really need them!

The Chicago Bears

2008-11-13T15:34:00.000-08:00

For years I have been a Chicago Bears fan. On the weekends my kids and I do the house chores early so we don’t miss the afternoon kickoff. Whoever would have thought my kids and I would share some of our greatest bonding moments watching football. I must say this is not just football. This is the Chicago Bears.

At first I began to use the weekend games as an excuse to indulge on pizza, hot wings, or my homemade chili. I always thought my kids liked the games because they looked forward to the phone calls I make during the games. Since I have been traveling for many years now, it is not too difficult for me to think of a friend from the rival city to taunt. Although these are good reasons to look forward to over the weekend, my kids and I really developed a passion for the game. Between games I follow up on my favorite players by watching the news as my boys imitate their favorite players in the backyard. Every year I find myself making the same promise to my family. That promise was to buy tickets to a game just like the spectators we see on the television.

Last week, a friend of my family helped me with this promise. I was given four tickets to our first game. When I received the tickets from my friend I was told the only problem is that the seats are in an inaccessible section of the stadium. This is not a problem, I replied. I can take the tickets to customer service and they will seat me in an accessible spot.
We were soon on our way and drove in the never ending traffic jam to the game. The traffic did not bother us at all. We were excited as we noticed everybody traveling in our direction was wearing blue and orange, the colors of the Chicago Bears. As we got out of our black minivan, we began to throw a football around as we became apart of this blue and orange river of people entering the stadium. This was great!!! This is what we have been watching on the television for the past few years!!!

All this excitement soon came to an end as I began to ask for accessible seating. I was told there was no more room for disabled people. I was told they had room for only one disabled person in the accessible section and they would place my family a few rows in front of me. I tried my best to not spoil the excitement, so I accepted these conditions. As I watched the game, I began to feel all alone. Every time the crowd got excited I would watch my family get excited. But, I was watching from the distance. I soon began to shed tears. Afraid of my kids seeing me cry I decided to roll around the stadium. Once I got the sadness out of my system I returned to my assigned spot. I began to look from side to side and noticed that I was the only one in a wheelchair. This made me very angry. The game was more than half over, and my two boys were having a great time. Due to this fact, I kept my feelings to myself as I watched kids enjoy the game.

Time and time again, non-disabled people are abusing some of the benefits and privileges that are provided for the disabled population. Anyone who reads this blog, please share it with others. Some might view disabled parking spots, bathroom stalls, and disabled seating at a game as a luxury. Many disabled people like myself find these accommodations a necessity. The people who were at this game and misusing the disabled seating took away a special day from my family and I. GO BEARS!!!!!!!!!

Mannheim Middle School

2008-05-02T11:45:00.000-07:00

This past April 17th. I spoke to students at a school where it all began for me. Mannheim Middle School is the first school that gave me a chance over ten years ago. When I first decided to start public speaking, I thought it would be a great idea to go back to where it all started. Graves Junior High School was the school I attended as a child. I was such notorious student that I was denied of the opportunity to share my story with its students, let alone an access into the building to visit my former teachers who were still there. . So I began to speak to small classes and groups for after school programs. Most schools that I spoke to could not relate to me or my story. I would always exit a program asking myself if I should keep trying.
Then I was given my first opportunity to share my story on stage in front of the whole school at Mannheim Middle School. This is what I always wanted. I will never forget how I felt sick in my stomach as I was traveling to the school that morning. As I entered the school the sick feeling was gone. The atmosphere of the halls was identical to what I remembered from my junior high. When I got on stage I was scared! But, as I looked through the room all I saw was very young innocent boys and girls that I knew would relate to my story. As I began to speak, my fear of speaking was gone. Every time I would stop speaking the room was quite. I began to pour my heart out to this audience. With my story I was able to make them laugh, then minutes later have them cry. After my first successful presentation I told everyone in the room that my presentations are dedicated to my new born son, Jimmy. As I made this statement I wiped my tears. I began to cry because I knew that some of these young boys and girls were going to go through what I went through. This was the first school that made me feel at home. I have gone back to this school through the years since then.
April 17th. was one of my most emotional presentations of all. Every time I arrive to this school I always feel at home. This is the one school where my presentation gets better and better. This day was different. I have shared my story so many times now that I can talk and think of other things at the same time. As I was sharing my story this time I began to think about the first time. That was about ten years ago. I began to think and add the years. The students I spoke to ten years ago were about eleven to fourteen years old. They have to be about twenty one to twenty four years old by now. Before my presentation was over I began to cry. I kept thinking about how a percentage of those students ten years ago are now gang members, drug addicts, and alcoholics. The reality of this is hard to accept, but I know they will always remember how I poured my heart out on that stage ten years ago. Special thanks to Ms. Rezabek for giving me that first opportunity back then. Mannheim will always be home to me!

West Leyden High School

2008-03-22T11:31:00.000-07:00

On March 17th, I spoke at West Leyden High School. I’ve wanted to speak at the school for a few years now. I once attended West Leyden as a student. After I was shot and paralyzed, my school district had me enter this school while they decided which school would be the safest for me. Before I was shot and paralyzed I was attending Argo Community High School which is located in Summit, IL. At the time, Argo had a variety of different gangs.
West Leyden High was good to me. I began to meet new friends. I truly believed at the time I was going to become a different person. I would never deny the fact that I was an active gang member, but I was trying to put it behind me. I understood that it was a temporary school. After I made new friends and felt like I fit in, I was told it was time to go to my new school. My local school board decided that Downers Grove South High School would be the best school for me to attend. I will always feel in my heart that this was a bad idea. I never felt welcomed at all. I could hear the teachers gossiping about me as I rolled through the halls. They stopped when I passed by, but I had already enough to know they were talking about me.
After a few weeks of bonding with students and making friends, I was told that my only purpose at Downers South was to receive an education. Once after school I decided to go to one of my new friend’s house after school instead of getting on the bus to go home. My family was supportive of this idea. The school was not!!! The next day when I came to school, they told me I was not allowed to stay in the community. I was told that I was to come to school on the little yellow bus, and I was to leave on the little yellow bus. When I continued to ignore their request, I was asked to not come to school and was accused of starting up a new gang. At that time, I new this school was not the school for me. I decided to drop out and lost my desire for a high school education. That was my last attempt to be a high school student.
I have been sharing my story with students for over ten years now. West Leyden High School will always be on my mind. I will always remember how West Leyden welcomed me. I will always wonder how my life would have turned out if I would stayed. I have been looking forward to coming back to this school for years. As the students entered the auditorium and looked around for a seat, it was hard for me to hold my emotions and not shed a tear. I remembered how this school once welcomed me and offered me a chance.
I put my emotions to the side and began to speak. The fifty minutes I was given felt like five. When the presentation was over and it was time for the students to leave I felt like a child after the last present was opened on Christmas morning. As I was packing my belongings a student approached me. I waited for the question I am always asked “What gang were you in???” The student surprised me. He shook my hand and said he wanted to thank me. He said that I made him cry. Then he walked away.
As I was driving home, I had a great sensation that traveled through my body. It was the satisfaction I get from my job. I once again acknowledge that this job would not have become possible if not for all those who have helped me along the way.

Alaska, the beautiful

2007-07-27T11:12:00.000-07:00

I just got back from Alaska a couple of days ago still recovering from sleep deprivation, exhaustion as well as the excitement of the trip.

Sadler's Ultra Challenge is the world's longest wheelchair and handcycle race over 267 miles from Fairbanks to Anchorage.
This year there were 26 racers: 21 of them were handcyclers in three different divisions and 5 of them wheelchair racers including James Lilly. The whole community of about 100 people including the racers, race organizing staff and myriads of volunteers traveled together along the race over the 6-day period. Volunteers come from all over the country and the world. Most are young adventurous souls there for an experience, but we also had a group of professionals who donated their time to be a part of this incredible event: They were the EMTs, massage therapist, chefs and the "Goldwingers"(four motorcyclists who chaperoned the race to make sure racers and the pilot cars are safe along the course)! Oh, I must not forget the community support we were blessed with in each town we stayed where the locals provided lodging and dinners. By the time the race is over, it is a whole big family. Anybody who has participated in the race can attest it.

With my documentary finished and having a world premiere public screening, it was a bit of a sentimental journey for me. In 1999 I had gone there as a volunteer for Sadler's Ultra Challenge with a small Hi-8 camera looking for a story. Eight years later I was back again as a volunteer cheering for James, who became an integral part of my life since then, and other racers reminiscing these years of my own struggles to get this film done. Just like those racers who persevere over the 6-day race, I had to climb a lot of mountains to get to the finish line. So to see my movie projected on a big screen in front of a couple hundred audience was a feat. I admit I couldn't stop my tears...

After all it was so perfect I had the world premiere in Alaska as this was where all began.
Alaska will always have a very special meaning to me for the rest of my life for being where one of my dreams came true, and its breathtaking beauty is a bonus.

Still Pushing Forward....

2007-06-19T10:47:00.000-07:00

After months of silence, I'm back on the blog. Honestly, I was intimidated with the idea to keep posting the updates of my project.

The BIG NEWS! I have a distributor!! Fanlight Productions is a very respected distributor of educational programs based in Boston. It sure took me a while to decide, but I'm really excited to work with them. The DVD of Pushin' Forward will be officially available by mid-July!!

The other news is that Pushin' Forward is FINALLY having a world premiere on a big screen on July 23, Monday at Bear Tooth Theater in Anchorage, Alaska! (http://www.beartooththeatre.net/

What's Next?

2007-01-24T16:59:00.000-08:00

So it took me seven years to finish this documentary, "Pushin' Forward."
I'm sitting here scratching my head wondering what's next.

I've been taking a lot of actions, though, submitting to film festivals, making contacts with all kinds of people varying from other filmmakers, distributors, to educators, non-profit organizations, etc., etc.
I keep modifying my goals, hence the plan with this film -- perpetually thinking about how or where or what I can do with it.
Ultimately, the more parents, the more pre-teens, and the more educators and people who work with the youth it can reach, the bigger the impact of this film will be. So this film should be spread through some kind of grassroots activities. I would like to tap into this massive movement currently taking place in Los Angeles to tackle the ever aggravating gang violence here. But how or where....? I went to the L.A. City Council meeting last week and was utterly overwhelmed. There are so many entities trying to work on this issue. Yet, as Ms. Connie Rice had indicated in her report, the problem is that they are not working together, just scattered and uncoordinated effort all over. Phew!

I would love to have Mayor Villaraigosa and/or LAPD Chief Bratton to watch the film and give me a raving review.
Yes, that would be awesom, and I'm working on it. Still I just get overwhelmed about where to begin.

Today, I met with people at National Latino Fatherhood and Family Institue in Los Angeles, a non-profit organization that works with all sorts of issues contemporary latino population deal with in their life.
My film touches on everything they do.
They all applauded, but what's next?
We could plan some events to screen the film and invite James Lilly to participate in discussion.
Yes, that's what I would like to do.... start with one group at a time.

Still I'm thinking out loud.... "What do I do next today?"
May be I'll go take a bath.....